Post #10 - Fish out of Water

      (Warning... this is a little lengthier than the required word limit, but I felt it was necessary to completely tell the story!)     

           As many San Jose State students know, the start of a semester can sometimes prove to be quite a challenge when it comes to getting all your desired classes.  I was no stranger to this last semester, and unsuccessfully tried to get into three different classes at 12:00pm - the only time period I had available.  My attempts failed and therefore, desperate to keep my status as a full-time student, I joined the first available class I could find at 12:00pm.  And so begins my “fish out of water” story in Philosophy of Law.

            I regretted my decision to join the class almost immediately.  It was made up of about 15 students, all Philosophy majors or law school hopefuls.  In case you’re wondering, I am neither of those.  As the teacher droned on about in-depth philosophical scenarios that were way above my realm of understanding, I looked around to find all the other confused faces in the room.  Unfortunately for me, mine was the only one.  Some even nodded in agreement periodically while I sat dumbfounded, wondering how I was going to survive the next 18 weeks or so.

            As the semester progressed, I came to class each day promising myself that today would be the day I would learn something groundbreaking.  Each day I sat in the front row, desperate to take in something – anything – she said.  I felt like I was sitting in a room full of Latin speakers, trying to pick up at least one or two new words every day.  I debated withdrawing from the class several times, but my pride kept me from doing so.

            Some days, we would break into groups for intellectual discussions.  These were the times I felt the most uncomfortable.  As my group tried to figure out if A was more likely than B or if C was more likely than both, I tried to smile and nod along with my classmates’ awe-inspiring revelations, but I always felt as though I had the word “fraud” written across my forehead.

            Before my semester of discomfort came to an end, I had to complete two major tasks.  The first was a term paper discussing some kind of ethical debate and the philosophical pros and cons associated with it.  Luckily, my ability to write came in handy in this situation, as I was able to fudge my way through a seven-page paper sounding as though I knew exactly what I was talking about. 

            The second task was taking the final exam.  I did the best I could, based on the limited amount of information I was able to soak up from lectures and the textbook.  At the end of the exam, there was a space to write any comments you’d like to leave for the teacher to read.  I did not hesitate to tell her just how difficult this class was for me.  I told her that even though I never felt like I belonged, I still tried my best and wanted to be recognized for that.

            I’m not sure if it was my sympathy-invoking comment or my well-written paper that saved me, but somehow, I miraculously ended with an A in the class.  I have never been more proud in my life.  I talked about that A for weeks. In fact, I still bring it up occasionally.  The main point I’ve made to myself is that sometimes we are smarter than we think we are.  We should never let intimidation or fear of inadequacy allow us to sell ourselves short of our potential.  I’m so glad I got the opportunity to be a “fish out of water” because I was able to prove to myself just how far my own strength and determination could take me when I simply refused to give up.